Understand consent stalking will remain a common crime if romance is seen as masculine entitlement

Understand consent stalking will remain a common crime if romance is seen as masculine entitlement

At core sexual harassment is about refusing to hear no, or even countenance that woman has the choice to assent or not. Witness the common sight of men on motorcycles swerving to yell sexual innuendoes at women. Up and down the country this behaviour is accepted as unavoidable. More systematic stalking draws more censure. But even in such cases, pursuing police action against stalkers is not the norm. Two cases this week highlight why it should be. In Faridabad, Touseef Ahmed shot dead Nikita Tomar whom he met at school. In Mumbai Yogesh Kumar Singh stabbed Malvi Malhotra whom he met at work. She is recovering in hospital. But the takeaway is how quickly this everyday crime can escalate into murder.

Changes in law after the Nirbhaya case included notifying stalking as a criminal offence, with repeat offences being non-bailable and punishable by five years imprisonment. But a Kafkaesque justice system, insensitive subcultures of police and the social stigmatisation of victims mean that seeking the law’s protection remains rare. More often the woman will change her routine in various ways, sometimes too traumatised to keep going to school or work. In Nikita’s case a 2018 complaint against Touseef was withdrawn, reportedly under pressure from his politically powerful family. In countless other cases, maleness bestows sufficient impunity in and of itself.

Obviously the policing of stalkers must improve. But a host of other institutions from schools to families also need to do a much better job of socialising gender relations. Today, dominant notions of romance reek of male entitlement. While modernity is making men and women engage on technically equal terms on the outside, that transition needs to happen on the mental plane as well. This needs open conversations about what relationships mean, what love means. It’s not coercion. It’s choice.