Let's talk about sex

Let's talk about sex

A Hindu legend goes that Brahma, the `Originator' first created Saraswati ¬ the Goddess of Wisdom, who by relation became his daughter but he got so infatuated by her that he stopped at nothing less than marrying her. From there the world grew. There are different versions of this story but it marks an interesting role of sexual desires in the most immortal of beings including the Originator himself.
The reference to sex continues in different Hindu mythological stories in apparent and yet subtle ways. So Lord Ganesh is born without sex between Shiva and Parvati. Lord Krishna's wives have to deal with a thousand and more gopis. And Draupadi, the heroine of Mahabharata, had five husbands. These stories make a fascinating read and have a great weight of spiritual messages encoded in them. Yet, without anyone ever explaining these messages, young girls and boys grow up with a twisted notion of sex and how our history deals with it.
We find ourselves in a society of teeming millions, unprecedented increase in sexual violence against women, a media and advertising industry full of sexual innuendoes, and yet living in a society that refuses to discuss sex in a healthy and open way . We hear about sex scandals, rape, the threat of HIV but nothing on the need to explore one's sexuality . We either treat sex as a topic that's too frivolous, or dangerous and against our culture.
A girl who lives in my neighbourhood, and is in class 8th came to me one day and asked softly , taking me to a corner. “Didi“ she said, “would I get pregnant if a guy touched me.“ I stood there, not knowing how to respond to her. She said, “but my mother told me that I would get pregnant if any boy just touched me.“ I couldn't have told her that her mother has completely misinformed her. I also appreciated why her mother would have told her that. But we can't let our girls and boys grow up in a society , knowing so little about this whole thing called sex.
UK has made sex education compulsory in secondary schools. Different states in US have different policies on sex education for children. While misconceptions on `sex education' continue to thrive in India, the HRD ministry was wary of even using the word `sex' in the National Education Policy .
When our children are young we don't talk to them about sex, but leave it for their ill-advised friends, popular media, internet websites amongst others to educate them on the subject.When they grow up and come face to face with their sexuality , once again there is no platform where youngsters in India can talk about sex in a healthy and safe environment.
Yet, marriage is our favourite topic. Advice, suggestions, even marriage partners are bandied about in every possible family and social gathering. Whether a couple is sexually compatible, is not part of the checklist for finalising the suitable bride or groom.Similarly , whether lack of sex is part of the breakdown of a marriage is not a suitable topic to discuss with one's family . Even during marriage, it is not okay to ask if a married couple's sex life is okay . If they have kids, it is presumed to be okay . Lack of a healthy atmosphere to talk about sex affects both men and women. If a man makes a move, he may be judged of poor character. The `manliness' to pleasure a woman may be too strong a burden for men, especially since the Indian woman is portrayed as a passive taker of whatever `love' comes her way. Given the patriarchal mindset that we inhabit, the scales are often tilted against women. It may be almost taboo for a woman to be so forthright that `she wants it'.
From Sita to Jaya (lalithaa), Indian society can never stop guessing about a woman's sex life. Whether a woman is leading a normal, homely life or she is a leading lady in her field, she remains vulnerable to questions on her character. You don't like a female politician, actor, diplomat, or media person ¬ call her a prostitute, a whore or a slut. Easy, right? I wonder how many of us know or have heard the male equivalents of these words being used for male politicians, actors, diplomats and media persons that we absolutely detest.
So why is it important to talk about sex, you may ask. Sex is at the core of human relations. It can be a source of liberation or slavery . Indian culture has always treated sex as a spiritual subject, adorned the walls of temples with meditative sexual poses, but over time we exalted it so much that we don't talk about it anymore.
Sex and sexual energy is going to remain a core feature of our lives, whether we like it or not. It is important that we don't let an atmosphere of silence pollute the ever flowing pure energy around it. We need to create platforms and an environment of freedom, where girls and boys, women and men can talk about and discuss sex in a positive way . This requires us, first, to open our eyes and see the elephant in the room ¬ our refusal to talk about and engage with the topic of sex.There are repercussions to letting this elephant out in free open space, yet we must do it.