All too human miscarriage happens let it not be a secret trauma
Meghan Markle, in another striking departure from British royal reserve, has written a newspaper essay about her recent miscarriage. She expresses grief and the hope that in hard times, more people would check in and care for each other. This should not be a surprising thing to hear, but it is. Actually 15-20% of all pregnancies end this way, some women have recurrent miscarriages, and yet nobody talks about it. It is seen as a private failure, an inwardly borne anguish.Most of the human race is actively involved in reproducing itself, but the business is shrouded in silence. One is encouraged not to even discuss pregnancy during the first trimester. Pregnancy has to be seemly and spare everybody else the details. Like the menstruation taboo, this comes from a male culture and its fear and shrinking from blood and wombs. When a pregnancy ends in death, as in a miscarriage or stillbirth, the silence descends heavily, leaving a couple alone to mourn.
More disclosure from prominent figures can only help to puncture the isolation. It reminds people that nobody is exempt from such sorrows, that the least we can do is be compassionate in our vulnerabilities. What’s more, describing one’s real experience as a woman, instead of following patriarchal cues on what is private/ unmentionable or what is appropriate, is a freeing experience. Responding to Markle, Monica Lewinsky tweeted a Muriel Rukeyser poem: “What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.”
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